Mother's Day

Mother's Day

A day to recognize the Mother's in your life

Everyone has a Mother,

Whether raised with them or not

Whether living or not.

A day to recognize what makes you a Mother

Your children

Whether with you or not

Whether living or not.

Dreams of being a Mother

Whether fulfilled or not

By birth or not

This Mother's Day I went to Church like normal

I worshipped and enjoyed the service like normal

I prayed like normal

I fellowshipped like normal

What wasn't normal is the ache of the missing in my 💔 heart

Don't get me wrong, 

I am so grateful for my children that are still here on earth 🌎. I am so blessed to have others in my life that consider me family. But, the missing of my precious Son and my Daughter'a Daughter my one and only Granddaughter is such a painful feeling. Praise God I have the promise from Him that I will see them in heaven. 

The Smallest Of Things

Amazing how God can use even the smallest things to show His love for us. I started a book and read that suffering a big loss or tragedy can make people question God. For me it has had absolutely the opposite effect. My relationship with The Lord has deepened in a way I never could have foreseen. 

I never planned on or expected to be breathing on this earth without my precious son. My children have always been such a precious blessing to me. I am one of "those parents" lol!! I drive them crazy taking pictures and videos of them. I am so grateful The Lord told me to treasure every moment. 

Pushing Forward

Pushing Forward

Sometimes life can be so hard.

I miss my baby boy so much.

Time is forcing me to push forward 

Oh but to feel his precious touch

I hear his voice when i say mommama

Even breathing i hear his breath

Life is now such a seesaw

I still feel him even in death

I want to hold his perfect hand.

Every step i take has memories of him
Help me to breathe.

Thank You God for so many moments to look back on

Everything i do has memories of him

 Finding Your joy while living without my youngest son.

Yes, i will push forward

but, my heart won't let me move on

"You should write a book!"

"You should write a book!"

I have heard that more times than I could possibly count.

I sit here at my coffee house with Pumpkin right next to me.

This after spending last evening at The Urgent Care.
My blood pressure and pain was absolutely out of control.
Praise God I have SO many loving and caring people there that know our story and have such compassion for me anytime i am there.

The conclusion the Dr came up with (after blood work, and tons of other tests) was "Even if you feel like you are doing well and aren't paying attention to dates and occurrences, your heart and head still know! Grief, Depression and Anxiety can manifest in SO many symptoms!"

Yes, Easter is coming up. So, that means so is the loss of my Precious Granddaughter 2014 and my Precious Son 2015, Two lives that touched my heart in SO many ways.

I Thank God every second of every day for the blessings they brought and continue to bring into my life.

Since

Since

Since i held your precious hand

Since i looked into your beautiful eyes

Since i felt your awesome hug

Since i heard your wonderful voice

Since i heard your heartbeat

Since my hand didn't long to hold yours

Since my eyes could see without tears

Since my hugs could be without thinking of you

Since my ears could hear without wishing it was you

Since my every heartbeat didn't feel like my last

I will Love and Miss you with every single breath
Until my very last, mommama

Beauty for Ashes

Beauty for Ashes

To console those who mourn in Zion, 

To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord , that He may be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3 NKJV

https://bible.com/bible/114/isa.61.3.NKJV

My life has been filled with such heartache and pain.

Some as a result of my own choices and some that others have made.

I Praise God for carrying me through what i can only say at times has been so physically and emotionally unbearable.

In between all that He has given me such precious Joy.
Right when i said "Lord i am just so worn" He has given me something to put a smile on my heart that made it my circumstances bearable.
I know we will all get our crowns in heaven, but, I am Thankful He gives us some while we are here on earth as well.
Thank You Lord for giving me "Beauty for Ashes"

The biggest gift of CHRISTmas

T'was the night before Christmas, God glanced over the earth. 

He looked to and fro, All over it's girth.

They missed it again He said with a sigh, A heavy heart and a tear in His eye.

I gave them My Son, So they could be free.

My greatest gift, To them from Me.

They traded Me in, For a man in red.

A little tree, and a horse drawn sled.

How do I save them and make them see.

My love is complete, My grace is free.

How do I help them, When all they know.

Is a talking snowman, And a box with a bow.

Maybe next year, they will stop and see.

The biggest gift of CHRISTmas. Is THE little child from Me.